There are times when I catch myself feeling some slight envy toward those friends who seem to be able to have a beer or two at a restaurant. I have read Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Quit Drinking” at least three times and occasionally glance over or reread some paragraphs that appeal to my current situation. I realize that I am not once of those “normal” drinkers who can have a few drinks and be done with it. I drink not for the taste, but because I want to feel inebriated. Alcohol is a very insidious drug for those of us who simply do not have the power to stop drinking. I came to a realization many years ago that I do not have the ability to have a drink and simply stop. I remember a recovering alcoholic saying to me:”I haven’t had a drink in over five years, but I am just a sip away from becoming a drunk again.” I feel like I am in that very precarious position right now. Going for a simple beer is not an option for me. When I look back, I was NEVER in control from the very moment I took that first sip of beer as a teenager. As a man reaching near middle age, I made up my mind that I am not going to waste the remainder of my years drowning in this addiction! Carr used the analogy of a pitcher plant. For many of us, we are like the flies caught in the trap. Some of us began our alcoholic journey getting that first “buzz” as youths. I’m not sure about the validity of being born an alcoholic, but I am convinced that I do indeed have a predisposition for alcoholism and never had control from the beginning. Drinking has been an intrigal part of my life, and it is imbedded deeply in our society. My first real step here is to cease feeling this envy toward my friends and colleagues who can grab a drink or two and not touch another one for days. For me, there is no “take it or leave it.”
I started this blog a few years ago, and it evolved into something that wasn’t me. It became more self-absorbed and a rant against alcohol. I didn’t like where it was headed, and during long periods of inactivity, I was drinking heavily, only to return feeling more self-destructive with additional self-loathing posts. That is not what this blog is about. It is about sobriety and support, and most importantly, a base of awesome supporters and followers.
So, I have put down the booze. This is what I need to stay sober, I need to post as much as possible! When cravings hit me, this would be a great time to write.
Here is to a happy and sober 4th of July!